Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I
And let's face it who isn't less fortunate than I
My tender heart tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes indeed you will be
Popular you're gonna be popular
I'll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everthing that really counts to be
Popular I'll help you be popular
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
You've got an awfully long way to go
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I've chosen to become a
Palasister and advisor
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to
Popular I know about popular
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary who you were uh are
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popular lar
La la la la
We're gonna make you popular
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state
Or specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge
Don't make me laugh
They were Popular
Please it's all about popular
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular like me

And though you protest
Your disinterest
I know clandestinly
You're gonna grin and bear it
You're new found popularity
La la la la
You'll be popular
Just not quite as popular as me